Sunday, May 16, 2010

series la tempesta
you are in this tempest
watercolour work on arches

My view is heavily obscured and there seems to be no blue sky in sight,
only storm clouds of dark grey.

I have four violins and i have not had the emotional strength or physical strength
to play any of them the last two weeks. 
To hear their beautiful sounds.
This has left me greatly saddened beyond words can express.
I near my first year anniversary with learning violin
and i fear that i will not be able to continue as my present state is making it difficult.
An already tenuous thread does not need the sharpest of swords to sever it.
Looking back however, i see how far i have come, not knowing how to even hold them in my arms let alone to make them sound.. so i can be proud of myself in this regard and know that i really gave it my all with all the love i had and still have in my heart.

I keep this blog open to give me hope and faith, and i pray that i can yank myself out of this, at least on an emotional level (for emotionally i am shattered), this would help me greatly at least to push through my chronic fatigue due to other health issues and muster the little enthusiasm to practice and at least move in a forward direction.
I’ve missed out on two lessons since feeling this way and this in itself has pained me.

I casually mentioned that i may leave violin to Maestro last lesson, trying to hide my state..
i was so sick that i found it hard to stand whilst having my lesson..

he replied

You do not leave violin
the violin leaves you
for it will go on
long after you/we have gone
and it will always find another

with a heavy heart
i can't imagine my violino blu in any other hands
please give me the strength and courage God to go on
donna con il violino blu

donna con il violino blu © 2010 patricia vannucci

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