I do understand why i have uploaded one of my past watercolour works here, but i am not yet wanting to be entirely open about ALL that is bearing down on me at present except perhaps to state one..
My blog here as donna con il violino blu, as well as the many other blogs i have are journals, and they are a record to stand that i once existed, as there is no one to come after me.
I feel compelled to leave part of me behind in this way.
I have done this over the last three years through painting, photography, through my poetry, through writing.. in any way i can and in the only way i know how to do and i do this with my heart, soul and entire being.
Now MUSICALLY here through the violin and all the inspiration that comes from my experiences with it, i go about hoping i can record it ALL for it is important to me that i do this.
do you really see me
I struggle from many spheres and try to comprehend what is happening within my world which has bought about much frustration, sadness and emotional pain and is affecting my very essence and therefore impacting on my journey here through the beautiful music of the violin.
It's also important that i record all the support offered in its many forms, be it from those who know me well, or don't know me except for what they see as they just pass by here.. those that are here long term on the journey or here for only a short time to share.
Therefore my watercolour work featured above titled do you really see me asks a question of the viewer.
One such viewer on visiting my blog a few days ago offered their kind thoughts which went some way as to providing me with some light on what was a very dark weekend for me.
I am doing my best to keep focused.. on track.. to look further down the road with playing my violin but i am having great trouble am feeling fragile and have not yet picked up my heart.
This person is not known to me, however they took some time to read through my blog and respond.
They offered sincerity not cynicism, warmth not coldness, they opted to communicate and not have me feel isolation, they did so willingly without expecting anything in return and without knowing my circumstance except for what they have read, seen & sensed here.
Although i provided the link to this site, i simply said they would be welcome to visit, not knowing that they had .. i did not ask for a response however a response i received and one which was timely for the way i am feeling in this moment and no doubt will feel for a while to come.
They gave of their time and in doing so they gave of themselves.
I post it below so it too is threaded and woven into this journey.
I will no doubt read the words over and over and have it remind me that when one door seems closed another opens out to let in light and air.
Philcmiller, as i only know you by this name
i thank you
dal cuore
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donna con il violino blu
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When you sent me an invitation to your blog I went to it and studied your words, paintings, photographs, and the quality of the blog itself. Perugina, your blog reveals the heart of a truly classy individual.
Though you never mention the specifics of your current emotional struggles, your omission of the specifics is part of the excellence of the blog.
Anyone of any significant age and experience knows what it means to have their heart and soul ground to powder and blown to the wind.
One need not rationalize the specifics. That part of the story can be fully grasped only through the life-experience of the individual. All your friends need to know is that though your former heart may have perished, the physical body did not, so some new heart must grow within the hollow shell. A new you with new dreams is being born.
Your blog graphically shows us the foundation upon which you are rebuilding; your art, your dreams of mastering the violin, and your poetic writings.
Perugina, I wish you the very very best in this effort. I am 53 years old and have survived two tragedies that few would be able to identify with. Not only did I survive, but each new heart was richer and more beautiful than the last. Of course, regenerated beauty cannot be comprehended by all, only by those to whom the gift is given.
Lastly, your blog does not give us any clues as to the day to day substance of your existence. What it shows us is your own concept of yourself, your sense of self-worth, and your vision of the beauty you have to offer the world if it will only stop and look.
You paint yourself as several beautiful women that you know live within you, you photograph yourself as the lover and protector of your instrument, adoring it as you guard it, just as a mother with her child or a God with his creation.
You reveal your sensuality through the flow of lines rather than through the less-dignified over-exposure of your body (as several on RedBubble are prone to do).
As I put down a last word, I want the budding new heart within you to know that one more person in the world was completely captivated by that portion of you that radiates beauty, dignity and a haunting grace.
As you live your life through your common days as a regular woman enduring the inevitable realities of being a struggling human being, please know that the Perugina you know lives within you is a powerful and captivating woman.
You have chosen to reveal this magnificent woman to any who will stop, look, read, and think.
Those who have taken the time to do so will not be able to soon forget you.
Grow and develop, Perugina…you are a beautiful child becoming a beautiful woman.
Hold your violin when you cry.
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philcmiller
21 May, 2010
donna con il violino blu © 2010 patricia vannucci
original artwork
'do you really see me'
perugina art © 2009 patricia vannucci
